im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
