I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
