Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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