Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
