So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
