I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
