i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
