So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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