Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
