I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
