You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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