He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
