I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone shattered a urinal.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
