is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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