No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
