the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
