So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
