I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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