He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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