i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
