since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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