I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
