I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
