just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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