just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm like, not good at living.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
