I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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