One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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