My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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