he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
