opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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