i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
