let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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