I wish my penis had an off switch
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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