Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
