I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
