Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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