Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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