my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
