he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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