I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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