Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
