YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
