is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Barsexuality is the new black.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
