I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
only you would photoshop your dick
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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