Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
