you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
