I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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