My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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