Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
