I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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