Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
