there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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