Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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